6th July 2004

Independence Day. July Fourth, 1994. I was only five years old that day. Evidently my aunt thought that I was mature enough to handle a toy gun. A toy water gun. I have three older siblings, one brother and two sisters. My brother also received a water gun that day. My aunt issued me a Super Soaker 40 and my brother got a Super Soaker 60. He and I fought all day that day until we finally retreated by nightfall to enjoy the fireworks. I knew I was hooked already.

In the months following, I conned my parents into buying me several water guns as a youngster. Once six, I began accumulating my own money in the form of an allowance. I saved up my money for the sole intent of buying more water guns. All winter, I would save up my money with the thought of engaging in liquid warfare when the weather heated up. in 1996, the biggest toy I’d ever seen was released: The CPS 2000. This thing was huge! Until now, the biggest gun I’d ever seen was an XP 250! No, this was a behemoth. I had to have it. I saved up my money for several weeks to buy this thirty-dollar water bazooka. When finally “rich” enough, I rode along in my dad’s sedan to Wal-Mart, where I located and purchased the great beast. Upon arrival at home, I immediately tore open its packaging. I was rabid with anxiousness! I was still only seven, but I could still manage to hold the gun with a strap. I filled up the great purple tank, pumped for what seemed like forever, and pressed the gorgeous orange trigger. “FWOOOOOOSH!!!” I squealed with delight as a violent torrent of water streamed forth in the most colossal display of liquid expulsion I had ever seen. This would definitely be the start of something good.

I continued to buy more and more water guns as I got older. My allowance grew larger as my responsibilities at home grew as well. Before I knew it, I had bought all of the Super Soaker line to date by 1998, with some duplicates! I was becoming known as the King of the Pool and the Water Fight Master because of my extensive arsenal. I grew an early liking to the CPS 1500 because of its power in a relatively manageable size. Just as it seemed I was getting started owning the neighborhood, school started again, the mercury fell, and water fights became rarities again. That winter, I grew feverish with the urge to fight more with water, and the next summer of 1999, I began expanding my warring horizons. I began regularly having wars with seven of my friends, and we began taking on my neighborhood nemeseses with ease. Even though my armory was indisputably the most powerful, I grew power hungry and continued to splurge on water guns. I now had duplicates of all of the CPS line and most of the other guns. I could name every gun with a glance and easily took out kids two to three years older than me. However, Summer led to Autumn and Autumn to Winter once again that year, and the neighborhood again turned to snowball fights instead of water wars. I was still focused on expanding my arsenal, picking up the water gun clearances with Christmas money while the other kids were buying Pokemon cards and the like.

In April of 2000, I decided to see what if there were some other Soaker Freaks like me on the Internet. I came across the Aqua-Nexus and discovered the 2000 line of soakers. I feasted my eyes on the new lineup, especially the Monster and Monster XL. Oh, what glorious beasts they were! And to think I thought the CPS 2000 was large! I followed several of the links on the Aqua-Nexus and found myself joining a Yahoo! Club named “Aquatica” several hours later. By the end of July, I had acquired the entire line of 2000 Super Soakers, again with several duplicates. My arsenal was rapidly approaching the Century mark. Seasons changed and so did I…

In June of 2001, I finally posted at the Aquatica Club’s message board. Seeking attention, I made several outlandishly false posts which not only got me attention, but also got me into trouble. You see, earlier that year, there was another young man named Sapper who had caused some trouble at the Club and was banned. I met him in one of the Club’s Chat rooms and chewed him out. I made falsities and flames galore at this man. Unfortunately for me, Sapper copied this little chat and gave it to another Member (named Zero). Zero posted the transcript elsewhere and showed it to the Aquatica Elite. They grew very unhappy, so in a panic I told them that it was my sister, not me, in the chat room. Though suspicious, the group had no choice but to believe my lie, seeing as there was no evidence to prove otherwise. Yet. It turned out that my sister ended up getting to know some of the Aquatican members otherwise, and the truth came out. Fortunately for me, I got off easy that time. I should have learned my lesson, but I hadn’t…

In July, an online buddy named EastonLAX and I opened a new Yahoo! Club called Aquapolis. While it was meant to be merely an experiment, many of the older members grew troubled at this new club’s formation. My intentions were truly non-malevolent. I was simply curious about the operation of running a club. SuperSoakerWarrior (“SSW”) was especially suspicious, and sent an Aquatica Elite named ShadowStrike Prime (“SSP”) into Aquapolis under the name “Starscream.” As Starscream, SSP acted like a harsh Anti-Aquatican in an attempt to lure me into admitting malevolent intentions. This never happened, so therefore SSP must have grew frustrated. iSoaker.com had recently resigned from the Co-Operator position at Aquatica, leaving SSW looking for a new partner. I assume that SSP, having proved himself a worthy asset to Aquatica, would be a prime candidate for this position. I can only presume that he thought that if he caught me in the wrong, he would be made out to be a hero and would surely skyrocket him to the seat of power in Aquatica. He posted a transcript which framed me as a culprit, something about me reporting Aquatica to Yahoo! for drug-trafficking, leaving only Aquapolis in the Super Soaker Scene. Here’s where I see two possibilities: 1. SSP fabricated this transcript or 2. Someone hacked into my Alias and chatted as me. I tend to lean towards the former because SSP has changed his story several times about how he acquired the transcript. At any rate, no one believed me and I was banned from Aquatica within hours. Aquapolis was, needless to say, cancelled. I was depressed by mid-day, having been framed and no one to turn to for consolation. I, in my stupidity, rejoined the Aquatica Club under the name of Soaker Dexter 007. My posts were of extremely low quality, and my fake persona was exceedingly cheesy. I pretended to not be Cloud and I even made a website (albeit poor). Only a very few believed me. Most caught on. I gave up on Dexter and became further angry. I spammed the board on several attacks under the name “Shlite” and several other variations. I was getting no where fast. I decided to one-up on SSP. I used an old members alias, called “Mandelau,” to launch a new ploy for power. I made a new ID, Mandelau777, and claimed to be Mandelau, having forgotten my password to the old account. I quickly became popular in the community. During my time under the alias Mandelau, I discovered several different undercover Aquatican investigations and sting attempts, all aimed at trying to get Cloud (me) to admit to his anti-Aquatican ways (which didn’t exist). SSP and Zero even made several fake IDs that resembled some of my aliases, such as “Cloudius” and “Shliteinablanket.” None of these worked. I began to make my move. I told SSW that I could fill the void for the Admin position. I came damn near close to getting the job too. I was even interviewed by SSW and iSc for the position. I planned to perform my duties as admin for several weeks to gain trust, then frame SSP in the manner which he framed me. I would then ban him from the Aquatica club and Bam! Pay dirt. I would have my revenge. I was probably days away from being promoted, when the unthinkable happened. The real Mandelau just happened to rejoin soon after an email from SSW. I don’t know if SSW was really on to my plot or not, but at any rate, my plan was shattered.

With any hope of revenge on SSP gone, I decided to try and be a member again. I waited several weeks after the Mandelau incident and rejoined as “Josh Schlake,” a friend whom I knew at school. I even made a fairly good website called OptiSoak and rejoined the club as OptiSoaker after a very-real hack attack under my previous alias. I maintained the name Josh Schlake though. Everything was going great. No one even suspected that I might be Cloud because I wasn’t causing any stir. Nor did I intend to. A long-standing member named TAKrogoth was appointed the new Admin in the Fall that year.

Budgie, SSP, and Sapper grew upset with TAK, iSc, and SSW. They created a new soaker club called the HydroSphere. I joined this club under OptiSoaker and also posted there too. However, there was a man named Soakers7, a very anti-Aquatican enthusiast. He invited me to the HydroSphere Nobles forum - the forum for the Mods and elites of HydroSphere. I joined just to go along with it. I couldn’t believe my eyes! There, right in front of me, I saw dozens of posts talking about how they planned to bring destruction to Aquatica via their new board. I copied these malicious posts and emailed them ASAP to TAK and SSW. Pay dirt! I finally had my revenge from SSP and the others. I had uncovered a plot to overthrow the Aquaticans; but it was REAL this time. I was, of course, booted from the Nobles club. But it didn’t matter. I had my revenge, and it tasted oh, so sweet. By January of 2002, however, Budgie had found me out. I had made a post on his board at the Aqua-Zone. He traced my IP and found out where it came from: my PC. I was booted from the HydroSphere and was further swung into the depths of indignity.

I took a big break from the boards. I mean big. I was gone for six months before I decided that I needed to speak. There was a newbie on named David Howell, and a lot of the members were beginning to think that he was me. Mr. Howell must have been causing a lot of problems: his English Technic was wretched and he made pseudo-flames left and right. It took several posts and a lot of IP confirmations to save him. Then I decided that I had taken it long enough. I rejoined Aquatica. A few flames and spams from SSP and Budgie weren’t going to stop me. So there it went. Things went on normally at Club Aquatica. Then Yahoo! came up with the bright idea of merging Clubs with Groups. This smashed our former home into some hardly-recognizable form. Maybe it was that every five messages or so was an ad, maybe it was that it felt like everything took like twice as long to load, maybe it was that we constantly got error messages about the fifth post we visited, maybe it was that we were now Aquatica 2, maybe it was that they put the post order in the messages page opposite to what they used to be, or maybe it was the ads on every single post, some of them borderline soft porn. At any rate, SSW, TAK, and iSc (newly re-instated as Admin) decided it was best to move us to an ezBoard. This move was fine with me, but iSc made some pretty questionable decisions when he chose moderators. He chose the same three people who had started HydroSphere: Budgie, SSP, and Sapper. He also took Marauder_4 and xNeverFaceDefeatx (M4 and xN), which no one minded. There was an invisible tension though… like cracks starting to form on a ceiling. Nothing noticeable yet, but there was definitely an unheard consternation.

Things went fine at the ezboard for several weeks, then the free-trial version ran out. Pop-ups were everywhere and no one could stand them. Thankfully for us, iSc struck a deal with THE supersoaker.com webmaster, Jerry, and got us some web space. iSc then set up a very nice-looking iKonBoard, which played home to Aquatica for a couple months. During this time, iSc went ahead and made xN, M4, SSP, Budgie, and Sapper full-fledged admins. The cracks were getting deeper, and people were starting to grow concerned with the board’s running. Then, I guess that iSc blew a fuse because he quit. SSP went with him, leaving Budgie, Sapper, M4 and xN alone. iSc gave the four Admins a month to find a new home for the board before he would shut down the iKonBoard. Things were definitely not looking good. Here’s the breakdown; when iSc left, new boards sprung up everywhere. Budgie and Sapper got mad at the talk of all of the new boards, so they banned talking about them on the forums and banned anyone who did. This didn’t settle well with Marauder, so he demoted the two to member status. Budgie and Sapper left in an angry fit, off to join iSc and SSP in a then-unknown project. Since xN had been AWOL for quite some time now, M4, the now lone admin, and his cousin Matt (Mafoo on the forums) decided to set up a MyIkonBoard, a free message board. Needless to say, the forum did not fair too well. There were ads everywhere and the features were limited, to say the least. Freakymist and I asked to be promoted to Legions Secretary (leaders of the War Section), because we both felt that we were dedicated and experienced to have a leadership position. In addition, I joined the the ANN (Aquatica News Network) and wrote this article dated Novemeber 14th, 2002. It sums everything up pretty well (this is written in the present tense, so it reads kinda weird):

“New Owners set up new Forum.”

Aquatica, November. In the aftermath of iSoaker.com's departure from the Aquatica community, the soaker community searches for a new home. Aquatica’s life hangs in the balance.

Initially, Nick (Co-Founder) takes action and becomes involved with Aquatica after a long break from the Soaker Community. Soon after, however, he leaves once again. A plethora of new boards spin off from Aquatica; including The Water Warfare Warehouse, WaterTalk, and Hydro Evolution. The two present administrators at Aquatica, Revolution Budgie and Sapper, become rather paranoid of the new boards, as Aquatica’s future seems to become more and more grim. One of the Administrators, ShadowStrikePrime, leaves because he becomes “disgusted what Aquatica has become.” The new boards gain popularity, but none of them become too popular. Soaker popularity drops rapidly as politics becomes more and more influential. How influential one man became… iSoaker.com.

Finally, the last straw is laid. Acting under extreme pressure from demanding members, the present two administrators begin prohibition of any new board talk. Aquaticans begin pestering and protesting against the new ordinance, claiming it infringes on American Aquaticans’ right to free speech and free press, protected by the first amendment of the Constitution. The Administrators then initiate a flame war with members. As the other two administrators enter the scene, they quickly understand what happens. The perpetrators, Revolution Budgie and Sapper, are demoted from Administrators to Members, and once loyal Aquaticans return. “Soviet Aquatica” has fallen.

A few of the new boards, most notably WaterTalk, close due to the reformation of Aquatica. However, some, including the Water Warfare Warehouse and Hydro Evolution, both of which were directly attacked by the former administration, stay open. Aquatica, in the meantime, begins to search for a new board for which to house Aquatica. The next week, the Administration opens a new Ikonboard here. The old Ikonboard closes on Monday, November eleventh. SuperSoakerWarrior, Nick, has not yet posted on the new Ikonboard, and it is unknown if he will return any time soon. However, one thing remains clear: The Spirit of the Super Soaker lives on!

Because the new Ikonboard was such a bargain-basement board, it wasn’t flying too high. People were growing restless as to what to do with Aquatica. So therefore, I decided to make an offer to Marauder. I would provide hosting for Aquatica’s Forum AND make it a domain name; at ClubAquatica.net. I would then be made moderator. M4 jumped at the plan and the phpBB was up in several hours. Aquatica was now up and walking. I decided to also have an account, named ClubAquatica, which would be an Admin in addition to M4. Only I had access to this account. M4 and his followers had no problem with this, seeing as I had so generously provided a new board and domain for them.

iSc hadn’t stopped existing when he stopped at Aquatica. He decided to start a new independent forum known as WaterWar.net. The experiment started small, with only him and the three ex-mods/admins. He then let some of his closest buddies in on the project, like SSW and Black Six. Then he went public. Now Aquatica was in trouble. There was a direct link to WaterWar.net (WWn) on his iSoaker.com website, and there was no Aquatica (Now called AQT) link to be found. iSc had for a long time been the largest and most popular Super Soaker site out there. Without his support, AQT was doomed for failure. Unfortunately for M4, Mafoo, and I, we didn’t know that. Yet.

Tensions ran high between AQT and WWn, though both parties insisted that they were co-existing peacefully. Budgie and SSP were sending a steady stream of hate mail to us, and we refused to talk about WWn or iSc on the AQT forums. We even deleted or edited out any mention of iSoaker or WaterWar.net in any posts on the forums. All we could say was “Site Founded by Aquatechnology.” Other than that, he was dead to us.

Finally the tension and stress got to me. I had been thinking about this plan for days, but decided to say nothing. Finally, I could hold out no longer. I suggested on the Mods board that we threaten to ban all members who were members of WWn. This was a dumb idea, because had we done that, they’d all simply go to WWn and desert AQT. Needless to say, the moderators grew very angry with me. They were now talking about changing forums. In a desperate attempt to regain power and hold the club hostage, I readjusted the permissions on the AQT forums, so that no one could even access the folder containing the phpBB. Strike Three. I had once again screwed up everything I had worked so hard for. After I cooled off, I reset the permissions on the forums, but the damage had already been done. M4 had made the move to the new forums official. I tried joining WWn, but iSc banned me upon my first post (with good reason, I had been an idiot). I didn’t want to join the new AQT forums. They were dull and posts were far and few. Without my financial support and/or iSc’s moral support, there was no hope for Aquatica. It was shut down for good several weeks later.

I took another long break from the community. The community needed the break from me just as much as I needed the break from it. I developed a strong liking to Homestar Runner and it became my main hobby in place of Super Soakers. The winter was long and hard though. Indiana usually has bad winters, but the winter of 2003/04 was particularly cold. When the first sixty-degree-days came in March, I was happier than a clown. Seasons had taken a steeper toll on me than they ever had before. By the time April rolled around, I figured I could stand to wipe the dust off my old Super Soaker collection and use them for myself (I had been renting them out to my team since 2002). I instantly fell back in love! I decided to give Soakerdom one more shot. And I gave it the ole college try, all right. I joined WWn (legally) and was let back in. I began posting and posting. I was once again hooked on the Community. I also began posting in the newly-popularized SSCentral. WWn underwent some file corruption in early July. iSc decided to set up his own iSoaker.com Forums (iScF), with very much the same atmosphere of WWn. I became a moderator at SSCentral at the beginning of August and soon after became a Key Member of the iScF after some generous contributions to iSoaker.com’s coffers.

In August, Adrian, a long-time member and then moderator of the iScF, instant messaged me asking to start up a new board. He thought that he should start up AQT again. I told him that it was a bad idea, but he was very persistent. I finally allowed him the old AQT phpBB (which I still owned), and he began making the new project. He chose Veteran to co-lead the new project, now called AQT II and slated for September 22nd, the five-year anniversary of the original opening of Aquatica. Information was leaked about the secret project, and people began to disapprove of the project. The most disapproving member by far was Marauder, who refused to let the AQT name be abused in such a way. Since he still had admin capabilities at the board from a long time ago, he decided to destroy all of the new forums which Adrian and Veteran had set up. I finally convinced Adrian to abandon the project, which he then proceeded to scrap along with Veteran. Needless to say, I was very glad that they had come to their senses.

As of September Fourteenth, I own 254 water guns and my arsenal continues to grow. I urge all of you soakers out there to keep collecting. No one starts out with a huge collection. It takes a lot of hard work, a long time span, and a lot of perseverance. Being the great soaker collector is not easy to attain. If you has the guts, the determination, and the money, go for it. You might just succeed.

I did.